


What A Heart Needs

by belovedbookdragon



Series: A Heart's Need Series [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Pepper Potts, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Gets a New Arm, Bucky has a grumpy cat, F/M, M/M, Mild Gore, Omega Bucky Barnes, Omega Tony Stark, Physical Therapist Steve Rogers, Psychiatrist Maria Hill, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, War Veteran Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:25:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16539815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belovedbookdragon/pseuds/belovedbookdragon
Summary: *Edited 11/19/18*  Sequel to What A Heart Wants.“Is my arm on?” Bucky rasped and tried to turn his head to look down at his shoulder. He saw bandages wrapped around his shoulder where the carbon alloy of the arm met his skin. The arm itself was a slick grey, designed to look like metal plating. It lay on the bed, unmoving and heavy. He stared in awe, he had a left arm again.Bucky finally gets his new arm and learns how to face his past head-on. With Steve's help, of course.





	What A Heart Needs

**Author's Note:**

> *Edited 11/19/18* Sequel to What A Heart Wants. Please let me know how I could improve this piece. Thank you!

The first surgery hurt like hell. Nothing like a minor brain surgery to make his day complete. Bucky thought his head was going to explode, and frankly, was pissed the shaved side of his head made him look like some hipster beta. Steve had laughed hard when Bucky pointed it out. 

“How the hell was I supposed to put the receivers in your brain,” groused Tony later as he did the checkup. “I can’t make all you muscled types happy. Just be glad we were able to put your skull back in place on the first try, otherwise, you’d be wearing a helmet right now. Give this two months to heal and we’ll go in and put the receivers into your arm muscles. You can survive looking hipster till then.”  
\------------------------------------------  
The second surgery didn’t hurt nearly as bad. With the extensive nerve damage that had been caused by the IED blast and the removal of his arm only three inches under his shoulder, Bucky didn’t feel much in the pain department. 

“You look like Frankenstein's monster,” Steve said when Stark unwrapped the bandages from Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky laughed at that, “yeah I guess I do.” 

Tony attached wires to the three protruding nubs of metal from Bucky’s shoulder and ran scans with his laptop. “Alright hipster Frankenstein.” Bucky ran his hand over the shaved side of his head, miffed. “Your arm and brain are communicating again. One month from now, you’ll have your arm back.”  
\-----------------------------------

After the third surgery, Bucky woke up confused. Where am I? Oh right, the hospital. I hate waking up in hospitals, he thought. He was dizzy from the anesthesia, mouth, and throat dry, and his shoulder felt like it was on fire.

The post-anesthesia haze was the worst. It always seemed like the ghosts of his past stood just out of sight, their voices ringing in his ears. “Why didn’t you save us, sir? Why did you leave us to die? Sir, you left us. Why, sir, why? Sir? Sir? Sir-” Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and willed the voices to be quiet.  
“Steve?” He croaked out, “Steve?”

“I’m right here, baby,” Steve stroked Bucky’s cheek. “The doc working with Tony said you did real good in surgery.”

“Is my arm on?” Bucky rasped and tried to turn his head to look down at his shoulder. He saw bandages wrapped around his shoulder where the carbon alloy of the arm met his skin. The arm itself was a slick grey, designed to look like metal plating. It lay on the bed, unmoving and heavy. He stared in awe, he had a left arm again. He looked up at Steve and grinned.

“It isn’t running yet. Tony will be in in a few minutes to calibrate it. Here.” Steve offered Bucky a sip of water from a cup with a straw. Bucky sucked the water down, his raw throat grateful for the coolness.

“Thank you.” He smiled up at his mate. “I’m so glad you are here.” Steve grinned and stroked Bucky’s hair.

“I’ll always be here for my best guy. Till the end of the line.” Bucky preened, hearing that. Even in pain and stuck in a hospital bed, he was still a glutton for Steve’s praises. Nothing made Bucky feel more loved or safe than Steve’s sweet words.

“Ah Bucky, good you’re up.” Tony strolled into the hospital room pushing a laptop on a cart. “Ready to have a left hand again?”

Blinking the rest of the anesthesia haze from his eyes Bucky nodded. “I’ve been ready for a while”

Tony nodded approvingly. “Alright, so the arm has Bluetooth so I can connect to it and make any adjustments that are needed.” Tony started to type away at the laptop, and to Bucky’s amazement, his arm began to glow a cool blue at the joints of his fingers, elbow, and shoulder. “Can you flex your fingers?”

Bucky stared at his new hand and willed his fingers to move. To his utter amazement, they did just that. “Oh my god! Oh my god! Did you see that!?” Tears began to stream down Bucky’s face, “they moved! My fingers moved!”

“I saw, my sweet mate, I saw,” Steve grinned ecstatically. 

“Good,” said Tony. He kept typing commands onto the laptop keyboard. “Make a fist.” 

Bucky did as he was asked and was thrilled to watch his hand do as he thought. He could FEEL the fingers of his hand clench against his palm. It was amazing.

Tony kept up the commands to move until he had Bucky lifting his arm straight into the air, making flexing motions, and point with every finger. “I think you’re good to go,” Tony said, shutting his laptop. “Doctor Banner is probably going to keep you here for a few more days to watch for infection before sending you home. I’ll try to sneak some good food in for you guys tomorrow so you won’t have to eat the cardboard the hospital calls food.” Tony winked at Bucky and Steve.

“Thank you, Tony,” Bucky reached out with his new hand and took Tony’s hand,” Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. For us.” Bucky nodded towards his mate. Tony had been the one to push Bucky in the right direction, right into Steve's arms. Without that meddling omega, Bucky would've never asked Steve to dinner.

“Stop it, you’ll make me cry.” Tony laughed, eyes glistening. “Look, I gotta go check up on a couple other prosthetic patients. I’ll see you soon, okay?” Tony bustled out of the room, pushing his cart in front of him.

After Tony had left, Steve gently ran his hand down Bucky’s new arm. Bucky purred at the touch. “It feels just like you’re touching my right arm. This is so amazing.”

“It really is.” Steve rumbled softly in his chest and leaned in to kiss Bucky’s forehead. Using both hands, and only wincing slightly at the tug in his shoulder, Bucky cupped Steve’s face between both of his hands and thoroughly kissed Steve. They kissed and kissed, their scents mingled, apple, cinnamon, mint, and peaches, and filled the room. Bucky was in pure bliss. The taste of his mate on his tongue and the feel of him against his hand..no, hands, was just what he needed. Safe, and comforting, Bucky's heart was fullof love.

“Ahem.” Both males jumped at the sound and turned to see a thoroughly scandalized alpha nurse waiting to take Bucky’s temperature and administer pain medicine and a heat suppressor.

“You’re not going into heat, are you James?” The nurse, Amy judging by her name badge, asked.

“Uh, no, ma’am.” Bucky stuttered while Steve’s cheeks burned bright red.

“Hmm, I’ll give you a double dose of suppressors,” she stepped over to Bucky’s IV and injected two syringes into the line and then took his temperature. “Try to behave, okay boys? This is a public ward.” And with that Amy left them alone. 

“Oops,” breathed Steve, his face still a bright red. “Got caught red-handed didn’t we?”

“More like red-cheeked,” Bucky teased Steve with a smirk. 

“Hush you,” Steve leaned in for a kiss. “I’m going to run home and feed T’Challa before poor May and Peter kill us for his meowing. I’ll be back in a few hours. Try to sleep a little, okay? I can tell the morphine is already making you sleepy.”

“Okay, love,” Bucky yawned widely.

“I’ll be back soon.”  
\-------------------------  
Bucky did sleep, for maybe two hours before his dreams tore him back into the waking world. He hated pain meds. He hated them. His mind lost the ability to hold the memories at bay, to silence the ghosts who haunted him. The dream was too real, too painful. He was back, 50 miles from Fallujah, on a dry, cratered, bloody road. Bullets were whizzing overhead, men were screaming.

“Sir! They’re surrounding us, Gill’s down, and Hendricks is dead, we don’t know about Doyle and Hardy.” Bucky could only blink at the bright sun and stare at the tall alpha with red hair... Dugan was his name, he thought? Something was wrong, the left side of his body felt too light. It hurt. “Lieutenant Barnes! Orders, sir? We’re taking heavy casualties… Oh my god, sir, your arm!”

Bucky looked down to see a mutilated stump, white bone shining through the red of the blood and muscle. His arm was gone. He was going to die.

A second man, Morita... maybe... the pain wouldn’t let him think, screamed as he ran up to Bucky, “Sir! Gill, Barry, Olsen, Tenant, and Smith are still out there, we need to get them… holy fuck your arm sir!”

Bucky started to move, his injuries be damned, his men were out there. His ranger training kicked in and he ripped the strap of his pack off and wrapped it around his stump tight to staunch the blood flow. “I got them.” 

He charged onto the field, using the blasted pieces of his Humvee to shield himself from the bullets, his men firing their guns towards the enemy lines. Fuck. He couldn’t think. Just grab them. That’s all he needed to do. One by one Bucky dragged the 5 unconscious men back to the shelter behind the humvee pieces. His vison blinked to black to white to black again. That'd be the blood loss, he thought. He swayed and fell. His men were screaming. 

“SIR-”

“Sir medevac will be here in 11-”

“Sir! Stay with us!” 

The thwump thwump of a chopper could be heard over the ratatatatatatat of the automatic rifles.

“Lieutenant Barnes! You stay with us!” The trauma doctor on the chopper screamed as he set up an IV to give Bucky a blood transfusion, “you stay with us, you stupid bastard!”  
Darkness.

More yelling. Bucky was in pain. The lights were too bright, an oxygen mask was shoved over his face. “Hold on you stupid bastard! You’re not going to die on my table.”  
Ah, he was in a trauma field hospital. 

Darkness again.

Bucky blinked, light stinging his eyes. 

“It’s a miracle you survived-”

“You’re a fucking hero-”

“Every man you dragged out of there survived-”

“Doyle, Hendricks, Hardy, Juniper, Falsworth, and Sawyer didn’t make it.”

That’s when Bucky saw them. His dead men, standing in the corner of his hospital room, mutilated and blood covered. Limbs were missing, bullet holes still leaked blood. “Why didn’t you save us, sir?”

“We needed you.”

“Sir, why did you leave us?”

“Why sir, why?”

“You weak omega. If you were an alpha we would’ve lived.”

“You were already dead!” Bucky rasped out, the pain meds making his tongue feel like cotton. “I tried, but you were dead! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry-” 

They converged on Bucky, screaming, “Stupid omega! You let us die! WHY DID YOU LET US DIE?”

That was when Bucky jerked himself awake. His heart was racing, tears were streaming down his face as he sobbed and sobbed. He began thrashing, still confused from the pain meds. His mind was muddled, he didn’t know where he was. He needed Steve. Steve could keep him safe from the dreams. “Steve! Steve!” He howled. The nurses ran into his room, his heart rate had increased enough that the monitor had alerted the nurses before his screams did. 

“James! James! It’s okay, you’re safe! James, you're safe! We need to sedate him!”

“Hold him still before the IV rips out!”

The calming scents of the beta and omega nurses did nothing to quell his terror. “Steve!” He sobbed, choking on his words. 

The sedation medication hit him hard and fast. He was out before he could register what was happening.  
\---------------------------------------------  
When Bucky woke again, the strong calming scent of Steve met him. Steve was asleep seated in the chair next to his bed, his upper body resting on the bed. “Steve.” He rasped and gently touched his cheek. 

Steve’s eyes fluttered open and then he was sitting up, his face full of concern. “Bucky, the nurses told me you had an episode. Was it the PTSD? Did something trigger you? Baby, are you okay?” He moved to sit on the edge of Bucky’s bed and pulled Bucky against his chest. 

Bucky began to cry. “I dreamt about them. I dreamt about it. The humvee blowing up, losing my arm. My dead men. They were here, the pain meds make them show up. They hate me for leaving them to die on the sand, they hate me. I’m a weak omega.”

“No, hun, no. My sweet omega.” Steve wiped the tears from Bucky’s cheeks. “The pain meds and your arm are dredging up these memories. It is normal. It is not your fault. You are safe, and you did everything in your power to save your men. Do you want me to call Dr. Hill for you? See if she can come to visit you?”

Bucky nodded. “It probably would be the best thing to do.”

Three hours later Dr. Maria Hill was in Bucky’s hospital room. Her beta scent was a calming mixture of chocolate chip cookies and lavender. She made Bucky feel very safe and calm. If she had been older than her 30 years, Bucky would’ve seen her as a mother figure.

“Bucky, you know that these dreams are normal right when it comes to PTSD? It is your brain still processing the grief and horror that you feel,” said Dr. Hill, face gentle, her scent calming and safe.

“But Dr. Hill, it’s been almost 4 years, shouldn’t I be getting better? Not having these PTSD moments, I mean?” Bucky asked, feeling defeated.

Dr. Hill smiled sadly. “Bucky it doesn’t always work the way you want it to. Your brain is a complex organ that processes grief in its own way, and differently from others. Grief is a natural thing, especially with the trauma you’ve been through. You have to let your brain go through that process. I know it sucks and it hurts, but healing won't happen until you let your brain accept that your friends did die. You must also accept that it was not your fault your friends died. Your brain is trying to take control of the situation because it doesn’t like that you couldn’t control the IED exploding or the ambush. But it knows that you can control your reaction to the event. So it is trying to control it with guilt and grief. You couldn’t control what happened, but your brain sure as hell is going to try to control it anyway. You need to accept that you don’t have control over what happened. You have to let yourself grieve. Have you been taking your anxiety medicine like you are prescribed?” 

“Yes, doctor.” Bucky sighed. She was right, he knew. But as she said, he didn’t like feeling like he had no control. But he could control the fact that he felt grief and guilt.  
“Hmm, I’ll up your prescription. It’ll help while you adjust to having your arm back. It very well could be that your brain is feeling guilty that you get a new arm and your friends are still dead. Try to rest, okay Bucky? Take it one step at a time. Let yourself go through the stages of grief. It’ll be okay. Thank on what I’ve said, okay? I’ll see you in two weeks for our normal appointments. “

“Thank you, Dr. Hill,” Bucky said, his voice tired, pain coloring the edges. 

She smiled sadly at Bucky, “I know it’s painful, but make sure you lean on your mate. He will help. He’s retired military too, isn’t he? Stay strong. I’ll see you soon.”

After she had left, Steve came back into the room. “You okay?”

“I will be, Dr, Hill just reminded me that I need to grieve.”

Steve nodded, his face sad. “Did I tell you that when I was in Bagdad one of the medevac choppers was shot down?" "What? No, I don't think you ever said anything about that," Bucky said, surprised. "I came down with the flu that day. I was supposed to be on that chopper, but because I was heaving my stomach out my mouth and almost shitting my pants, they took me off the rotation. A doctor by the name of Pietro Maximoff took my place. It was his day off. But he filled in for me and because of that, he died.”

“Oh my god Steve, I’m so sorry.” Bucky looked at his mate in shock and sympathy. 

“I blamed myself for a long time,” Steve went on, “if I hadn’t been sick that day, he could’ve lived to go back to his family. I felt that it should’ve been me. I’m the orphan, I don’t have a family as he did. But over time I learned to accept that it was out of my control. It’s been a long hard road, and it was one of the reasons why I decided to retire from the military 4 years ago.” Steve blinked away sudden tears. “I’ve accepted that it wasn’t my fault, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t still see his face in my dreams. Every time I hear a helicopter fly overhead I think about Pietro. I accept that I have no control over what happened, but I still feel guilt. It’s just something you learn to live with.” Steve leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Bucky’s and stroked the back of his head. “It’ll be okay, my love. I will help you as you go through this process.”

Bucky kissed Steve gently, “I know, my alpha, I know.”  
\--------------------  
That afternoon Tony and Pepper stopped by with dinner. They had brought a fancy steak dinner from some posh restaurant only the wealthy inventor and his mate could afford. “I want to test your ability to hold a fork and knife. If it goes well, I’ll bring Chinese food so you can use chopsticks.”

“Tony I couldn’t use chopsticks before I lost my hand.” Bucky frowned.

“Pity.” Tony just shrugged. “I’ll teach you later.” 

“Tony, be nice to the poor boy, he’s just got his left hand back,” chided Pepper. 

“Yes, love.” Tony sighed.

Bucky liked Tony’s alpha immensely. The redhead was quite smart and commanding, but she wasn’t dominant to the point where Bucky would’ve felt nervous around her. She evened out Tony’s spastic energy.

“So, Bucky, now that you have a left arm again, what are your plans for your future?” Pepper asked, straight to the point.

Bucky almost choked on his steak from surprise before answering, “I’d like to become a cop. And maybe eventually the chief of police for New York City.”

“Hmm, the first omega on the front lines to become the first omega NYPD chief. I like it. Tony and I will support you in any way that we can. We’ve taken quite a liking to you. We’ve already liked Steve for a long time. Thought about bringing him into our marriage for a bit,” it was Steve’s turn to choke on his steak. “But it is nice to have another to bring into our little family.” Pepper said in a matter of fact tone like she just hadn’t just admitted that she thought about adding Steve to her marriage with Tony to have a harem.

“Uh, thank you,” Bucky managed to sputter out. Pepper and Tony just grinned. 

The rest of the dinner went on without any other near-death choking incidents. They spoke about Tony’s new and improved lab-grown lungs that they were going to start using in cancer patients at the end of the year, and Pepper’s job with the government. 

After they left, Steve sat on the edge of Bucky’s bed. “Well, they are certainly the most interesting couple I know.”

“Steve she admitted that she wanted to make you part of her harem.”

“I know. It was weird. I still like them, though.”

“Me too.”  
\----------------  
Bucky was discharged the next day. His pain was minimal thanks to the nerve damage, and Dr. Banner had felt that Bucky was out of danger of any serious infections as long as he followed his care plan.

Bucky had trouble getting into his t-shirt as he had completely forgotten how to put on a shirt with two arms. Steve had to untangle him. With more caution, Bucky pulled his hoodie on. “Aha! Got it!” He smirked in joy and pulled his pants on and slipped his shoes on. He stopped to look in the mirror, marveling at the fact that he looked proportionate again, that one sleeve didn’t hang limply against his side. He looked down at his left hand and clenched his fist, savoring the feeling of having the ability to do that.His body finally felt whole again.

As they walked down the hallway hand in hand, Bucky said to Steve, “Oh my god! I can wear shoes with laces now!” Steve howled with laughter at that statement.  
\------------------------------  
When they made it back to their apartment, it was obvious they were late to feed T’Challa. “Today’s the day May is going to murder us, I’m sure.” Bucky groaned and opened their door to a furiously meowing cat. Bucky just knew the cat was cussing them out. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Just a moment your majesty, let me get you your food.” Bucky hurried to the kitchen and peeled the can open without thought and then realized he'd never have to use the can opener again for cans with pull tabs. Bucky marveled at the fact, looking at the lid in his left hand. T'Challa meowed, louder, and hissed. Bucky fed the indigent cat and sighed. “I’m going to have to go next door and apologize to May.” 

“Later.” Steve held out his hand. “Come on, you need to take a shower. You smell like the hospital more than you smell like me.” Steve pulled Bucky to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and then turned to Bucky with hunger in his eyes. “Your heat is coming on. I don’t think the suppressants worked very well. Or they gave them to you too late in your cycle.” 

Bucky knew he was right, he could feel the cramping start and build all day. His joy at leaving the hospital and the suppressors they had given him had managed to keep his hormones in check. Soon he’d be in heat, but with his mate, it would be easy to ride it out. There would be lots of fucking and Bucky was totally down with that. 

Steve strode right up to Bucky and started to undress him, peeling his hoodie and shirt off, pausing long enough between each layer to plunder Bucky’s mouth with deep kisses. Soon Steve was kissing down Bucky’s neck and nipping at their mating mark. Bucky keened in response and started to strip Steve. 

Bucky marveled at how easy it was to rip Steve’s shirt off, to unbuckle his pants. He kissed down Steve’s perfect abs, running a wet tongue all the way down to Steve’s waiting cock. He could feel himself slick as he took Steve’s cock into his mouth and began to suck. Steve growled in pleasure and fisted Bucky’s hair as Bucky swallowed his cock down. Bucky could feel Steve tremble when he ran his left hand up the back of Steve’s thigh to cup and squeeze his perfect ass. Feeling his slick drip down his thighs and his cock throb in need Bucky moaned around Steve’s cock. 

Steve pulled Bucky away from his cock, and lifted him up and shoved him into the shower. Steve pressed him against the shower wall and Bucky relished the control Steve had over him; he needed Steve to dominate him. 

“My good omega,” Steve growled in his ear and rubbed his cock between Bucky’s ass cheeks. Bucky whined in need. Steve growled again and nipped Bucky’s right shoulder, not daring to touch the left until it healed fully. Steve pressed closer to Bucky, forcing Bucky against the shower wall. Bucky ached for Steve’s cock and thrust his ass backward against Steve’s hard cock. Bucky’s heat had hit him with full force by then. He was just a quivering horny mass trapped between Steve and the shower wall.

“Alpha, please!” He whined, no, begged Steve.

“What do you want, my omega?” 

“Fuck me,” Bucky howled. 

Steve slid a finger into Bucky’s ass, then a second, and then a third. Bucky was writhing in need, “fuck me!”

Suddenly the fingers were gone and replaced by Steve’s cock. Bucky moaned with each thrust, relishing in his building orgasm. Steve rutted against him, his breath ragged, his teeth sinking into the mating mark as he fucked Bucky against the wall. 

Howling in pleasure, Bucky came hard with shuddering breaths and shaking legs. Steve came soon after, plunging his knot deep into Bucky. They stayed like that, slowly fucking through Bucky’s heat until Steve’s knot went down. They managed to make it to the bedroom before Bucky was keening with need again.  
\---------------------------------------------  
Four days later Bucky took an actual honest to god shower. Not one where he was getting fucked silly by Steve, but one where he actually could scrub his hair. Bucky stood under the water and inspected his new arm for the first time without bandages. His skin was healing nicely where it was attached to the arm and his pain was minimal. Bucky flexed his left hand and watched his new arm click softly and the joints move with a fluid motion. Bucky loved his new arm. It made him feel so free. 

After the shower, he went to the kitchen and began to make breakfast so Steve could shower. Bucky was finishing the scrambled eggs up when Steve came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Bucky from behind. “It smells delicious.” 

“Good.” Bucky laughed, shook Steve off and went to put the eggs on two plates and then pull the toast out of the toaster. They ate in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company.

Eventually, Steve spoke, “I’m going back to work today, will you be okay?”

“Of course.” Bucky grinned. His physical therapy appointment was the next day, and if it all went well, in 6 months he’d be joining the police academy.

Steve grinned and kissed Bucky. “I’ll be back around 5.”

Bucky spent the day cleaning the apartment, letting it air out from the 4-day straight marathon of sex they just had. Bucky had just changed the sheets when a delivery truck on the street backfired. It was loud enough that the windows shook. 

Taken by surprise Bucky hit the floor, his PTSD coming on hard. 

Again, the desert was stretching out in front of him, the scent of blood and fear heavy on the air, Bucky began screaming orders to his men when he realized that his arm was gone. And then they were there.

Juniper, Doyle, Hardy, Falsworth, Sawyer, and Hendricks stood before him, bullet holes in the heads and chests, jaws blown away, limbs missing and yet they advanced on him. 

“You let us die, sir.”

Bucky shrunk away from them, holding his hands up defensively, “no-”

“You stupid omega, you lead us right into a gun battle.”

“If you were an alpha it would’ve never happened.”

“You left us.”

“We died because of you.”

“I didn't want to leave you! I couldn’t get to you. I fainted before I could get out there, I’m sorry! No, please, stay back! Stay back!” Bucky curled into the fetal position on the sand, listening to their dragging steps crunching through the sand.

“Why didn’t you save us, sir?”

“Sir why-”

Bucky was screaming now, his throat raw, his jaw aching.

“We died-”

“Your fault-”

“Sir.”

“Sir why-”

“Sir-”

“SIR”

“BUCKY!”

The voice was new, it wasn’t any of his men’s.

“Bucky! You are safe! You are safe! You can control what is happening! Tell them you couldn’t control what happened to them, tell them you are sorry, tell them you miss them, but tell the is WASN’T your fault!”

“It wasn’t my fault!” Bucky sobbed out, “It wasn’t my fault! We knew the risks! We knew that the IEDs were a risk! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that this happened to you! I miss you so much! I miss you! But it wasn’t my fault! You need to rest, go to the light, I’m sorry that I can’t fix this! I’m so sorry, but it wasn’t my fault!”

With those words, his dead men began to fade away, the bloody sands blew away. In a blink, his men were gone. Instead, he was ins Steve’s arms. 

“Bucky! Oh, thank god! You’re back. What happened?” Steve was panicked, still dressed in his scrubs for work. 

“Truck backfired,” he choked out, “they came before I could stop them. They were so angry.”

“You’re safe now.” Steve soothed and kissed his forehead. “You told them what they needed to hear. You took control of the situation.”

Bucky nodded. He then looked at the clock on the wall, it was just after 3 pm. “Steve, how did you know to come home?”

“May heard your screams and called me, she got the landlord to let her in, she and Peter stayed with you until I could get here.” 

Bucky then realized that May and Peter were indeed standing in the doorway, watching with worry. Peter, who couldn’t have been more than 16, looked at him with concern and a hint of fear. 

“I’m sorry May, Peter, I didn’t mean to scare you. Thank you for calling my mate.” Bucky said, his voice trembling with emotion. 

The beta woman smiled down at Bucky, “it’s okay, I’m just glad to know you’re okay. If you ever need anything else, don’t be a stranger.”

Peter offered Bucky a smile then, “If you ever need us to feed your loud mouth cat, let us know too. I’ll be more than happy to help with that cat.”

Bucky blinked tears away again, “thank you, both of you. I don’t even have the right words.”

“That’s quite alright. We’re neighbors dear, that’s what we’re for.” May grinned. “Come on Peter, let’s leave them be. Bucky needs to rest.” With that, May dragged Peter out of the apartment. 

“I like them,” Steve said with a smile.

“Me too.”

“Can you stand up?” Steve asked Bucky.

“I think so,” Bucky managed to get up trembling. Steve pulled him into his arms.

“You did so well my dear omega. You were able to overcome some of your guilt connected to the ambush.”Steve gently stroked Bucky’s hair. “I’m so proud of you.”

Bucky leaned against Steve’s chest, taking comfort from Steve’s scent and solid presence. “I love you, alpha.”

“And I love you.”  
\------------------------------  
It took six months of twice-weekly therapy with Dr. Hill before Bucky completely quit having flashbacks that involved his dead platoon members haunting him. His PTSD would never be completely gone, but loud sharp noises quit triggering him, and he got better at recognizing when the panic attacks were coming so he could practice his coping skills. He was able to stand going to the gun range to brush up on his marksmanship without any issues. 

Six months of therapy was also needed for Bucky’s shoulder to learn how to deal with having an arm again. Bucky had to learn how to tie his shoes again, hold a pencil, and other fine motor skills he had lost on the left side of his body. Steve worked him hard, placing Bucky on a strict upper body workout regiment. Soon Bucky was as fit as he was before the injury.  
\---------------------------------  
Bucky joined the police academy soon after. It was difficult but not nearly as difficult as ranger school. If he could claw his fucking way through ranger school, then he could claw his fucking way through the police academy. He came home exhausted every night, and every night Steve was there to offer cuddles, dinner, a shoulder massage, and encouraging words. Bucky knew it was because of Steve that he was able to force himself to continue through the training when things got tough.

It was thanks to his military training and Steve that he was the first omega to graduate at the top of any police academy class. “James Buchanan Barnes, top of his class and graduating with high honors and distinctions,” the dean of the academy had announced to the auditorium when Bucky walked across the stage, looking dapper in his dress uniform. Steve cried the whole time from pure joy.

That same week Bucky was offered a position with the NYPD. Bucky accepted instantly.

“I’m so proud of you,” Steve told him that night as he held Bucky. “You’re going to do great. My brave officer omega.” Steve crooned into Bucky’s ear.

Bucky grinned and turned to kiss Steve. “You’ll be with me the whole way, right?”

“Till the end of the line,” promised Steve.


End file.
